Some words from a Silver

I had started at least two updates, and then rebooted the computer both times without saving. Oops. As such, this is a much-delayed update. This one is mostly about events, rather than thoughts.

Lyra turned one

My little girl had her very first birthday on the ninth of July. Adam and I picked her up from Daycare (where they had given her a birthday hat and sang her songs all day) and took her out for a lovely sushi dinner at one of the multitudes of sushi restaurants on Lonsdale Avenue. Lyra loves sushi - already a west coast girl at heart. She picks up the rolls and gnaws on the rice and whatever is inside (avocado, cucumber, yam) and takes the whole piece apart, tossing much of it on the floor in the process. Fortunately she's cute enough that the staff at the sushi restaurant think she's awesome and don't mind cleaning up her mess.

After her sushi dinner, we took her across the street to Brazza Gelato & Coffee, where we acquired gelato for her dessert. Naturally, she also loves gelato. Not really sure if it's possible for a baby to not love gelato. Or anyone, really. At any rate, it was a huge win. (As an aside, I just looked at their website. I wonder if they'd barter a new website and product/shop photography for free coffee for a year or something? Mmmm Brazza coffee...)

It was a nice little family birthday celebration, and we had a good night.

Lyra had a birthday party

Her birthday party was on the weekend at my mom's house in Pitt Meadows. We invited a bunch of friends to celebrate with us, and got cake (of course) for Lyra to mutilate. She spent a good part of the afternoon crawling around naked in the yard, playing in the baby pool, and generally enjoying herself. There really is nothing like spending your birthday in your birthday suit, and she was a model birthday girl. She wasn't very interested in opening her gifts, so I opened them for her - books and toys and clothes - all much appreciated by her parents, if not the little girl herself. There was also a Barbeque, and Adam, Lyra and I stayed the night so that my mom could babysit the little girl the next day while Adam and I went biking together. It happens rarely, so it was a great Lyra birthday present for us. She had a fantastic time playing with her Nana.

Here are the rest of the photos from her birthday party.

Adam and I went biking together

Our ride was a nice one, with Maryn and Chris. We did the lower trails in Burnaby (I made them ride the trails up and back down, which was great) and then went to Port Moody where we rode Starz. It's really been a long time since Adam & I rode bikes together (I think we managed it twice last fall) so it was a good time. Plus, I hadn't ridden with Chris in two years or something, which was just sad. All remedied.

Lyra caught a cold around the 11th, just after Adam was sick. I caught the same cold by the 14th, and was not happy. For three days I was at home with Lyra being sick, and me sick too. Trust me on this one, it's really no fun. Nine days now and I still have a really sore throat and a nasty-sounding cough. I'm hoping it moves along soon, I'm tired of this, and everyone else seems better now.

I still have thoughts I want to share about Lyra's first birthday, but this entry is far more practical than that, and already long enough. Worry not, I will fill you in shortly.

I watch my daughter sleeping, just like all the clichés say you will. I can't help it - I'm still so enamoured with her that I can't imagine ever being tired of looking at her. Every time I watch her sleep I marvel over how much bigger she is than she used to be - and every time, she's grown. I don't really remember what it was like when she was smaller. It's hard to believe sometimes that this little girl has ever been any size other than what she is now, and then I look at her again and she's so much bigger than I expect her to be.

Someone asked me the other day if I feel as though I've changed with motherhood. I don't feel like I've changed. I feel a bit like I've grown into myself, like I'm somehow more myself than I used to be, and that feels good to me. I'm still who I was, just more focussed, and more complete. Was I incomplete before? I can't remember, but that's partly because I can't imagine life without Lyra in it anymore.

It's amazing to me how absolutely in love with this little girl I really am. Sometimes when I look at her face I can see the child she's going to be - like I can see shadows of who she'll grow into overlaid on her sweet little face. I can see them especially when she's sleeping, or when she's figuring things out, all lost in thought and serious.

I think about the issues everyone I know has with their parents, and like everyone else, I'm sure, hope desperately that the issues we will have someday won't be too painful. I try not to fool myself into thinking they won't exist... I'm pretty sure even the best mother/daughter relationships have their own quirks and problems. They will exist. I will work to try and keep them to a reasonably sane level. We'll see how that goes.

Occasionally I get hit with a wave of irrational or semi-rational fear, like when I'm driving somewhere and imagine suddenly a car coming from nowhere and smashing into me, or having to avoid something and driving off the road, or walking across the street at the wrong time even and getting run down (apparently I have an irrational fear of cars.) It's practically debilitating for a split second while my brain runs through scenarios of me being killed and not being around to take care of Lyra, or see her grow up; and scenarios where I lose her somehow. The thoughts are physically painful to me, for just a moment or two until I get a better grasp on my subconscious and beat it into submission.

Am I a good mother? The perfectionist in me likes to ramble in my head about what I should be doing that I'm not, and what I should be doing better. That part of me compares myself to other moms, and Lyra to other babies. The realist in me knows that I can't attain perfection, that I often hold myself up to unrealistic standards that I would never impose on any other human being. I'm not a bad mother. I'm willing to admit, on some days, that I might even be a good mother. I'm being myself, and being a mom... and it's actually a lot of fun.

And no, I am not looking for reassurances from people that I'm doing fine. I know I am - Lyra is happy and healthy and awesome, and that's the best indicator I've got.

The trip to Ontario ended over a week ago, but I haven't given you an update yet. I shall now provide you with said update, alongside a few photos I took while in Toronto and New Liskeard.

To begin with, here is a link to all of the photos on my Flickr page.

The flight went quite well. We were up at 40,000 feet for much of the trip to Toronto, and while Adam had a lot of trouble with his ears, Lyra was perfectly happy. She spent much of the trip crawling between Adam's & my laps, and looking around all the weird new stuff. She napped in my lap for part of it as well, and the take-off and landing didn't bother her at all. Adam's ears didn't pop for a week.

Adam's mother & Aunt met us at the airport in Toronto, and there was much fussing over Lyra. We went to Adam's grandmother's home and there was more fussing over Lyra. She loved how much space there was in the living room there, and crawled around for hours. Bedtime was late (Toronto time) but about right in Vancouver terms.



Our first full day in Toronto was mother's day, so after Lyra's morning nap (which she took on the floor) we headed to Adam's Aunt's house to have a huge brunch with a bunch of his family members. There was much fussing over Lyra. At one point, she got put into a broken umbrella stroller which threatened to collapse at any moment so that Adam's grandmother could take her for a walk down the street. We deemed the stroller unfit, named it the crushing stroller, and rescued Lyra from its clutches, only to have another stroller acquired for the purpose of taking her for a walk down the street. It was all incredibly amusing somehow. We rounded out the evening with a Mother's Day dinner at Spring Rolls on Eglinton at Yonge. It was tasty.

The next day was Monday, and we headed in to Toronto proper to visit High Park. We had warned friends in advance that our Toronto visitation times were limited, and they would have to meet us there if they wanted to see us. Fortunately, a bunch of people were able to join us at the High Park zoo & playground. It was a nice afternoon outside.




(photo by Brian Tao, who borrowed my camera to take a few shots)

The next morning we took the long drive to New Liskeard. We took our time, stopping whenever Lyra needed a break from the confines of her car seat, and it ended up only taking us a half hour or so longer than usual to do the drive (about six hours or so, I guess.) It was a lovely, sunny day, and Lyra was once again a superstar considering she was confined to a harness for most of the time.

Our visit to New Liskeard has become a mess of randomness in my brain. I have no clue what we did on what days, but I know that we stopped in to see Paul & Jenn at Chat Noir Books (where they make a fine cup of coffee,) and we spent a lot of time with Adam's mom & dad, handing one of them Lyra at every opportunity. Also, we got poutine at least twice. There's nothing like poutine close to the Quebec border.

We did go to North Bay for a day, as a nice excursion. We spent an hour or so hanging out in a park by the lake, and Lyra crawled around in the grass with her Grandmother (Bubby-T.)



She also went to check out the beach with her Daddy.



Beaches make baby Lyras ROAR:



Grass and sunlight make baby Lyras turn into anime characters:



We also went to at least two Barbeque parties - it was the May 2-4 weekend, after all - and Lyra got to meet a couple of other babies and have social engagements with them:



Nearing the end of our time up in New Liskeard, we took a drive down to Temagami. Adam and his dad decided to take the boat (newly put back in the water after the winter) from the Marina down to where it gets parked at Loon Lodge on Lake Temagami. They needed someone to pick them up at Loon Lodge, so Lyra and I took the Murano from the town of Temagami down the access road to the lake. When we arrived, we were informed that Adam & David had had to turn back due to excessive winds - if they had pressed on, it would have taken them another two hours to reach me. Lyra and I walked back up the trail to the Murano (sweet car to drive down Temagami access road!) and drove the half hour trip back to the Town so we could pick up the boys.

It was actually more fun than perhaps it seems it would be. Adam was pleased to get out on the lake in a boat, I was pleased to spend at least a bit of time at Loon Lodge (although no loon burgers were acquired... and no, they're not made of loons...) and the drive was really quite nice. I didn't see any m00se, however.

We also took a trip out to the Elk Lake Eco Centre for lunch on one of our last days there. It snowed that day. The lodge was quite nice, however, even with the snow.



I'd have to say that the trip was a success. Lyra was a Rock Star the whole time - she traveled well on the plane, she traveled well in the car, and she was so good the whole time. We have an awesomely mellow and happy baby, and we are lucky to have her.

The only really negative things I have to say about the trip are that Adam caught a nasty cold which he promptly gave to me, and we were both miserable for a good part of the trip due to a sore throat/cough type thing; and that next time I really want to spend more time in Toronto, seeing Toronto sites that we haven't visited in a while, like the ROM and the AGO and most especially Canada's Wonderland.

Good times!

Adam, Lyra & I will be visiting Ontario for a bit in a couple of weeks. We discovered a seat sale that basically saved us 1000$ over going in August as previously planned, so we jumped on it. We fly into Toronto on the 9th in the evening, and will stay in North York for a couple of days at least. If anyone wants to see us in that time, please get in touch. We will be making plans with Adam's Toronto family (I'm leaving that up to him to do) but will try to work around that schedule to see our friends before we head up to New Liskeard.

If, on the other hand, you are in New Liskeard, I imagine we will see you around. It's not that big a place. If there is something specific you want to do with us there, let us know and we'll figure it out.

Lyra is asleep in my lap, so I'm going to take the opportunity to write.

I've been working on getting her to nap in the bassinet. It isn't really going quickly, or all that well, to be honest. Most of my successes are either short-lived (she stays asleep for fifteen minutes then wakes up terrified and crying because she's alone) or few and far between. I think she's slept for longer than fifteen minutes during the day maybe twice ever. Tonight, since I'm going out to the Muddbunnies AGM, I've given up trying to get her to nap elsewhere. It is better for her to have slept and be happy for her daddy while he gets to take care of her on his own for the evening. We will return to trying the bassinet again tomorrow.

In developmental news, I think Lyra is getting closer to crawling every day. She can hold herself up off the ground on her arms and legs, in a crawl position, just fine. She doesn't yet have the coordination to move forward, but you can see that it's coming along. She also loves sitting up, and is starting to launch herself forward onto her hands from sitting when she wants to reach something out of her reach. That's really just a step away from launching into a crawl. I'm both excited at her imminent mobility and afraid of the repercussions. I'm hoping that my mom can come over sometime soon and help me re-organize the apartment to make it babyproof. Things like the old bassinet have to get moved out, as well as the change table, and we need to find a solution for Lyra's clothing collection. At some point I really must pick her up a small dresser or something.

It's amazing to watch her change so quickly. When she learns a new skill, it's instantaneous, and she knows it - as soon as she's figured out how to do something, she can do it, without seeming to need practice. There's something awe-inspiring about watching how a human develops skills so naturally, and it makes it so easy to celebrate things that I would have previously taken for granted - like sitting up unassisted, reaching for things and trading them from hand to hand, putting her arms up to indicate she wants to be picked up, and that sort of thing. To see the moment that she first figures it out, and to see how she can do it from that moment on is something amazing that never occurred to me as being so before. I've never spent this much time with a baby before, so I've never had the opportunity to see this sort of development first-hand.

Sure, I've raised plenty of kittens and puppies and the like, but it really isn't the same, in that sense. Kittens and puppies develop fast - they can already walk within days of being born. There's something entirely different, though, about watching and helping a creature of your own species learn how to be. Lyra has always been a small person in my eyes, and watching and helping her discover how to be that person is inspiring. I helped bring this little person into the world, and that is just amazing.

On the other hand, of course, I get these occasional flashes of fear - fear that something could happen to her, the kind of fear that makes my stomach churn and my heart sink and my mouth dry - and fear that something could happen to me, the kind that overwhelms me with sadness at the thought that I might miss her growing up, that I might not be there to help her when she needs me, to the point that I nearly want to cry thinking about it. There is so much emotion invested in this little person sleeping on my lap that it's impossible to explain to anyone else adequately. And I'm not someone who worries about the worst that could happen any more. I used to be, but I taught myself to be calm, and not to worry about things, and to look on the bright side, just like Monty Python told me to. I feel like I'm a better person for that. But these waves of fear that appear and then vanish in a moment - they're visceral; subconscious, even. And maybe I'm a better person for having them, too.

Then I look at Adam, and I feel this sense of love and accomplishment that I've found someone so good for me as he is. I went through a lot of rough and disappointing relationships before we got together. I was promised or engaged three or four times before him - and I feel lucky that none of those worked out, because looking back, none would have been the right person for me, and some would have been the entirely wrong person. I feel like he's my partner, my equal, and my balance, and now we have a daughter together - the natural progression of a relationship that has been going on for twelve years, from a solid friendship, to lovers, to parents. I have no fear that after we've raised our child(ren?) we will still have that solid basis that we built our life together on. We have evolved together this far, it isn't that much of a stretch to assume we will continue to do so, with a little work. The work isn't that difficult for us, as long as we remember to do it. I don't think it will be a problem.

So here I am now: a mommy, a wife, and still myself - just evolved a little more, and excited about everything to come. Life is good.

Today marks six months since Lyra was born. I can't remember what life was like before she was around.



The moment she arrived, our entire focus changed. It's been a wonderful journey so far, and I think the three of us are figuring things out pretty well. Lyra's happy, Adam's happy, I'm happy. What more do you need really?

Someone told me that every stage you go through with a new baby seems like the best stage while you're in it. It's kind of like a constant state of things getting better all the time... whatever stage we're in really is always the best stage. She just gets more and more fun to be with, and I keep thinking that I don't want it to end. Everything changes again though, and then that's the best thing ever. It's crazy.

This past year has been a big one for me. Everything has changed since this time last year.

January
In January I told the whole world (what little of it I hadn't told already) about my pregnancy. We were calling the little unborn one Ultra Magnus, which amused us to no end, and seemed to horrify some of the extended family. My first few months of pregnancy I was tired a lot of the time - falling asleep on breaks at my desk at work, coming home from work and sleeping immediately after I was done dinner, and so on. I didn't have cravings, so much as anti-cravings, where I would hate a specific food for a while (perogies comes to mind.) I also took on a new full time contract at work - doing the web stuff instead of reception.

February
We had our first Ultrasound on February 7th - a bit early because they thought we might not be as far along as previously guessed. We started planning and budgeting our last pre-baby vacation to Arizona. I started to feel and look pregnant, too. I admitted to myself that I liked American Idol.

March
We had another ultrasound. I started to feel the baby moving. Eli & I crashed the Graphex Awards dinner for a chance to meet zeFrank. I discovered that Ultra Magnus kicked and moved around more when I ate chocolate. I signed up for Twitter.

April
Adam lost his wallet a few days before we went on our babymoon trip to Arizona. There were many photos taken.

May
My boobs got huge, as noticed by spadoink. There was a fire in the building across the street, where three people died. My baby's Ultrasound became evidence in an FBI investigation in an adoption fraud case.

June
We had a third ultrasound and established that I had placenta previa, which meant I couldn't go into labour. They scheduled me for a c-section.

July
They told me that my c-section date (and baby's birthday) was to be July 10. On July 7th they phoned me to confuse the issue and move it up a day to the 9th. I twittered from the hospital after the baby was born. Adam posted the first photos of Lyra Morgan Silver at my request, since I was in the hospital. We sort of settled into a newborn routine, and things were good. July was a big month.

August
Lyra and I spent our first day alone together. I had a bit of an epiphany. My brother got married and I took pictures for him. I started the diaper service and accepted my fate as a human mattress for Lyra.

September
I ruminated on my status as a mammal and got a new bike, and started riding again. I started thinking about Christmas and toys for Lyra - instilling a no-plastic rule.

October
I turned 32. Lyra learned how to laugh, and it was the sweetest sound ever. Lyra got dressed up as an Elephant for her first Halloween, and had a fun evening with her Bubby Tyna.

November
I had a few rough days. I wrote a little about Bedsharing. I blindsided oki_v2 and took him mountain biking when he came to visit. Lyra became a brain-eating Zombie.

December
I realized that I'm now a coffee addict. I recorded a bunch of observations about life with Lyra. I finally sold Huffy. I took some painfully cute photos of Lyra in her Christmas outfit. Lyra's first tooth appeared. We watched every Star Trek movie over three days time. Vancouver got hit with a giant storm and basically fell apart. Lyra's second tooth showed up.

It's been a great year, full of changes. I've changed jobs into a real career instead general admin. Biggest thing though: I have a daughter now, and it's the greatest thing ever. Happy New Year to everyone reading this!

So far boxing day has been quiet and mellow. Lyra and I are up and sitting on the couch - Lyra's petting Sera (who seems to adore the attention she gets from Lyra, including the squealing and ear grabbing) and Adam's getting to sleep in a bit. We were talking about going out to Future Shop and/or Best Buy today to check out boxing day madness sales with Jordy later this morning. It's just started snowing again, but it's supposed to switch to rain later I think. When all this snow melts I have a feeling there may be some flash floods or something. Should be interesting.

I don't even really care about the boxing day sales today - I just want to get out of the apartment. All this snow has really prevented me from going further than a few blocks of home for the past week or so. I'm starting to feel a little stir crazy.

Christmas yesterday was nice and mellow. Adam and I woke up early with Lyra, who seems to have acquired his morning person attitude, much to my dismay. We knew that no one would be arriving at our place until about noon, so we turned on the Space Network's Trek-mas marathon (every Star Trek film back to back, we had watched 1 & 2 on Christmas Eve,) did our last minute tidying up, got the turkey ready and into the oven, and then just watched The Search for Spock and the Voyage Home until Adam's brothers, my brother and sister-in-law, and my mom & Merv arrived. We then continued watching Trek-mas, opened some gifts (mostly for Lyra, she cleaned up this year) and ate my turkey dinner.

Speaking of the turkey - I picked up a utility turkey because I didn't want to spend a lot. It was a grain-fed bird, but had a label on it that said 'May have parts missing.' This amused me to no end. When I opened it up, there was, in fact, an entire leg missing - we named him gimpy the turkey. He was still pretty tasty, and his bones have now been boiled down for soup.

Throughout the evening there were some calls from various family and friends, and we continued watching Trek-mas. We got as far as half-way through Insurrection before Adam and I went to bed (everyone had left by the beginning of Generations or half-way through First Contact, I think.) I'm hoping we can catch Nemesis today - it's back at Undiscovered Country right now, which was on while everyone was here so we weren't focussing on it. A few more hours and Nemesis will be on again...

What?

Friday evening Ian and Kim, who have moved to Vancouver and are currently looking for a place, came for a visit and watched a movie with us. We were going to watch the Farce of the Penguins by hooking my lappy up to the TV using the video out cable, but when Ian rebooted it, it imploded. In a very nasty way, to be precise. I'm fairly certain that the Wireless card driver update that I downloaded and installed (by the suggestion of Dell's support utility thingie - let me never make that mistake again) did something very, very bad to my poor Saturn.

This basically means that my computer is currently dead and useless.

The irony to this is that, earlier in the day, I had grabbed a large stack of DVD-R's to back everything up. Fortunately, my photos are all on the external hard drive, which is not pooched. Unfortunately, my music collection (including all the CDs I managed to get ripped while we were back in Ontario where my CDs still live) is on the hard drive that is pooched. So are my bookmarks, my emails, and a whole whack of other stuff that not photography related. I managed to get through the problems and get back into windows tonight, but I can't run any software and can't even move files around at all. They just don't respond to my prodding. I tried to copy some stuff from My Documents onto the external drive... they just pretended I didn't tell them to do anything. Stupid NTFS implosions.

At any rate, I'm attempting now to come to terms with the fact that I'm going to lose all that. I do have my ipod, which means I can somehow re-integrate the music onto my hard drive when I reformat and reinstall, if I do it right. Here's hoping I do that right.

Saturday we went to Pitt Meadows, where we helped in the cutting and pulling down of six trees that threatened my mother's house (or will when the next windstorm hits). Don't let them tell you that pulling a tree down with a rope so it goes the right way is easy. Also, fences will break when hit by trees. I'm just saying.

Today we went biking up on Flywheel, which has become a nasty, eroded beast. Not as much fun as it was last year. Plus, my front tire isn't seated properly and won't spin freely, which means that riding felt completely wrong - I was sluggish and exhausted when I shouldn't have been, and just generally didn't have any trust in the bike. I think she's due for a tune-up. I may ask about shortening the stem, too. I thought it was a shorter one, but it's not, and if it is then perhaps I'll feel more comfortable on the downslopes.

It was a thoroughly unsatisfying ride, and I came home to a completely broken computer, and I feel fat and tired and stupid, and I want to curl up in a ball and cry for a while. Instead, however, I think I will just go to bed. I'll worry about the stupid computer tomorrow.

Saturday Adam, Sean and I went out riding on Burnaby Mountain. It was probably the best ride I've had all season, which is a good boost to the confidence. Adam was saying at one point that the whole cycle revolves around how good your ride is: If you're riding well, you have more confidence and are more willing to try things that scare you. This high confidence level keeps going until you try something and wipe out, at which point your confidence is often destroyed and you're left feeling scared of your own shadow, unwilling to try things that you've done ten times before because you're too nervous. When your confidence is low, you have a bad ride and just generally feel bad, at least until you have a good ride again and you boost your confidence up. The more good rides in a row, the higher you get boosted; the more bad rides in a row, the lower you feel.

I'm glad to have a good ride behind me.

Anyhow, we rode Mel's on Burnaby, which is a more cross country trail rather than downhill, and had a few hike-a-bike sections, but I'm happy to report that this was the easiest ride up I've had on burnaby yet. My endurance is improving, which is very important considering the trip we have planned this August.

I'm not sure if I"ve mentioned the trip yet... I'll go into it in detail soon.

After riding yesterday Adam and I headed out to Pitt Meadows to take Mom & Merv out for dinner for their anniversary and Merv's Birthday. We stayed the night there and went out this morning with Mom & Merv to the local plant nursery, where they purchased many little plants and one tree for their yard. It made me kind of wish we had a yard so I could have a garden. It would be nice to grow some veggies and flowers and things someday. Not yet, though... for now I'll be happy with the balcony. After all, I can't beat the view...

Ready now for another week of work. Hopefully this rain will end tonight so I can bike in tomorrow, but I won't hold my breath. If it's still pouring, I'll transit in and save the bike for later in the week. I plan to bike two days a week if I can - that should help with the biking endurance, considering the ride home is 15km nearly all uphill...

Thanks for leaving a comment previously - it seems to be fixed now. Yay!

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We've been in New Liskeard for a day now, and today was painfully boring. I couldn't even come up with something to do to pass the time. Hopefully this will change, people will show up and we'll be able to go out and do stuff with them (get coffee at the very least.) Anything. Sitting in the house watching the crap on the television just depresses me. Adam likes to watch movies, so he's got that at least, since his dad has a whole lot of movies and a 61" tv. I just don't want to sit still for that long. So far there's not much else to do though - well I could play video games on the giant tv, but I really don't like doing that with an audience. Plus I didn't bring my game with me, and Drakengard is all I feel like playing at the moment anyhow.

I might play some sims 2 on my computer in a while. That can pass the time like nothing else. I'm very happy to have my computer and an internet connection. Very happy indeed.

Adam and Vachel are playing Soul Calibur III on the giant tv while we wait for dinner.

Also, I've had a headache for the past few hours. Stupid head.

My mom sent me photos of the trees that came down surrounding her house. Frightning.

Maybe tomorrow if we end up sitting around the house again I'll sort through things in the bedroom. We still have stuff stored here that I really want sent back home out west because I miss it. I could also start burning some of the cds we have stored here.

It is very good to see family, though, even if I do have a case of the blahs.

Yesterday was fun, we left the house somewhat early and met Rory, then Vachel, and wandered around town for a bit trying to get our train ticket (office was closed) and having our Salad King lunch. It was awesome good, just like we remembered.

The evening was filled with old friends and conversation and beer (and a very poor performance by myself, but I don't think anyone was listening anyway. Having not played or practiced in about six months, I couldn't remember a thing.)

Anyhow, there were a few people who didn't make it out that were missed, and a couple of surprise dropins that were nice to see. We were out exceptionally late, and arrived back at Ian's place where we were crashing at about 3am. We stayed up until about 3:30, then tried to sleep until about 8am. Neither of us slept particularly well, though, and when we got up we were zombies. After making our way back to Adam's grandmother's house, Adam took a quick nap while I helped prepare the giant hanukkah meal for fifteen that was to occur at lunchtime. People arrived, lunch was had and there was much socializing until perhaps 3:45 or so, when everyone left. Adam's watching tv and dozing now, and I'm sitting on the computer. Tomorrow morning we have to be up at 6 to make our way down to the train station for 8. Early morning sucks.

I should be thinking about napping myself, but I'm almost afraid to - at this point, if I nap I may not sleep the night through. I could sleep on the train tomorrow, but I don't really want to - I like looking out the window for that sort of thing.

We were going to go out to a movie tonight, but now we're both just too tired. We're not going anywhere further than out to the coffee shop, and that only if anyone calls and wants to try and see us tonight, so not very likely.

One year ago today, Adam and I were married in the afternoon in his parents' back yard.

Today we celebrate by doing random things as they come to mind, and enjoying each other's company and being in love.

Yesterday was filled with snippets of beauty (in spite of a grumpy moody husband, oddly enough)...

A jogger paused at the edge of a monument in a park to show his respect before to those who died in the wars... it was a silent, moving moment that I felt lucky to have experienced.

I spent time on the phone with my father-in-law reaffirming the fact that I really love him, and miss living there some days.

Scrappy and I ran through the blueberry bushes together in the afternoon sun. Running in a field with a dog is the epitome of freedom. Watching him swim and haul himself back out of the water to shake as close as he can get to you is the epitome of dog.

We walked along the dyke with Mom and Merv and Chris and Mom's friend Lisa. A large bird flew over us with a fish grasped in its claws. I made my way through grass that was taller than I am searching for a photo. I saw many slugs. All of it left me calm and happy.

All of that made missing the street festival all right. I don't like crowds that much anyway.

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Today the bike home from work was the easiest it's been yet. I got home, we had dinner, and I went back out to fencing for the first time since the end of March. To be honest, I was pretty nervous about it - I've forgotten many things, I was afraid I'd be so out of shape that I'd fall down and give up during warm-up, and I was afraid to re-meet the people I had sort of started to know before disappearing. I still don't do so well in large groups, especially not when I feel out of my element, which happens when I'm attempting to learn something completely foreign to me like a martial art.

I'm apparently in way better shape now than I was back in March - I didn't feel like dying immediately upon finishing warm-ups. The only problems I really had were keeping my arm up (swords are heavy, yo) and remembering how to do lots of things. A good experience, all in all.

Plus, I met a woman who looks, talks, and has the same kind of attitude as Trasie. I kind of want to chase her down and make her be my friend, but I know things don't work that way. Perhaps I will see her again, and maybe we will get along, and all that sort of stuff. Sometimes I really miss that kind of friendship in my life - it's been lacking since I've been in Vancouver. It's so hard for me to reach that level of comfort with people, and it doesn't help that I get insecure about my "friend features" if you will. Do I qualify, will they like me? Man, sometimes I'm so third grade it's just sad.

Barring that, though, I am feeling quite good. Tomorrow I will be stiff and sore for certain. Tonight I have energy and I feel happy.

I was thinking today about the commercialization of the so-called Hallmark Holidays while I was washing the post-biking mud off me in the shower. I've gone through my phases of thinking that these holidays - like Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Administrative Professionals day, and so on - are just scams to make people feel guilty and spend money on someone.

The conclusion that I came to is that, for the overwhelming majority it seems, the people in question being appreciated on these days are often painfully taken for granted. We care for our mothers, but do we go out of our way on a regular basis to make them feel special or appreciated? The majority does not. Same with husbands and wives - after a while, some couples still make efforts to show each other that they care, but many fall into the trap of complacency. It's not a bad thing, it's just the way things go when you get used to seeing someone, or when you begin to expect certain things from a relationship. It is by no means bad to expect your mother to take care of you when you're sick, for example - that is what mothers do, and they do it because they care. As an Administrative Professional, I can tell you first hand that people forget everything you do for a place, and you are often under appreciated. When I got tulips and a chocolate bar and a card with reasons why people at work think I'm awesome, it actually made my day.

The commercialization of these appreciation-based holidays is unfortunate, I suppose - although not surprising, since an industry will arise to fill any kind of consumer void. The existance of the days themselves is not at fault. To reject the holiday itself based on the commercialization of it is as bad as going overboard with said commercialization. Take the day and make it your own - if it's mother's day, do something nice for your mother because you really do appreciate her. At the very least, say to her that you appreciate her. If you don't agree with having to do it on Mother's day, that's fine too. You can always choose another day and do something then, but either way remember that the spirit of the holiday is what matters. You can have mother's day, valentine's day, whatever day you like without buying into the commercialization of it.

Unexpected appreciation days, naturally, have a lot more impact than doing something on a pre-ordained day. Many of us just don't think of it or don't have time. A little reminder is not a bad thing.

Appreciate your mother while you have her around, if you truly do feel some appreciation for her. Same goes for your father, your admin assistant, your sweetheart. No one likes to be taken for granted - a reminder that you are aware of everything someone does for you can only make someone happy. A denial of such appreciation simply because you hate the commercialization is unnecessary.

Yesterday we had our Mother's Day with my mom. Adam and I drove out to Pitt Meadows to meet at Mom's house, where we then piled into the van and drove out to Harrison, home of the hot springs. They built a pool in the hot springs and put a building around it, which is kind of lame if you ask me. We weren't there for the hot springs anyway - we went to see the HarriSand World Championships of Sand Sculpture. I'll post some photos of the event later.

After checking out the sand sculptures Mom decided we should go to Minter Gardens, where I took many photos of flowers (as per usual when in a garden.) It was a lovely day to be wandering around a garden. We ended up buying some plants for our balcony in their plant shop.

We headed back to mom's house and met my brother, where we had some bbq'd burgers for dinner, followed by an outing to Dairy Queen. Dairy Queen is becoming a bit of a tradition when we go over to mom's, I think. Dangerous place. We nearly picked up a bistro set at a store near Dairy Queen, but decided against it - the set was pretty cheaply made, although pretty.

This morning some fundraiser/telemarketer phoned and woke me up. I'm sorry, you can't get money out of a morning Jenny, especially not if you woke her up with the phone. I still truly loathe the phone, even though I've finally paid off the last of my defaulted student debt and collection agencies won't call me anymore. Chances are good, if you phone me on my home line, I will not pick up. At any rate, I politely told them to go away, although I think my morning voice may have scared them a little.

Today I plan to work on the site redesign, and after Adam is finished work we're going to head out to Port Moody to go mountain biking.

I've been thinking a lot in the past two days about all the different stories going on around me. I've also been thinking about doing some more writing, but I should probably finish editing Eventide before I launch into something else. I overwhelm myself with projects sometimes.

This has been a very busy weekend. It did start slow, with the whole 'sit at home on the computer doing nothing' for a good part of yesterday morning and into the afternoon, but then things started to actually happen. I like things that happen.

Fun with Nanochrist

I met Adam downtown and we had lunch with nanochrist (the whole band.) We had lunch at the Templeton Diner where the food was fantastic as always (and I resisted the temptation of both a Five Dollar Shake and Jones Soda, go me!.) It was nice to actually meet the other guys in Nanochrist. I've seen them play a few times before, but never actually talked to any of them besides Mike.

We then brought the guys back to our place where they got to discover the fantastic view from our balcony and the leakiness that is above our toilet (hey, at least the roof leaks into the toilet bowl, it's kind of convenient that way.) They went back out to the bar to wait for a sound check, and Adam took a nap while I lurked online. We went out to see the band play around 10:30, since they were supposed to be on at either 11:30 or 12:15. We weren't clear on exactly when. We arrived at the bar to discover that the whole thing was disorganized. We listened to a few of the other bands play, watched the unfolding lack of amplifier Crisis, and chatted with Astrid (who has an lj, I believe,) and peekaboo. The crises were sorted out, the band played after 1:00 am, I took some pictures, and it was good.

Having the uber-mellow acoustic rock/folk/singer-songwriter/mellow electronic kind of musical tastes I have, Nanochrist isn't generally my kind of music. I have always enjoyed them seeing them live (except maybe the time I had the really terrible tension headache from hell, but that's a different story.) They were by far the most interesting band that we saw that night. I really enjoy the music, it's got a lot going on and it has tonnes of energy, which is great - I just have trouble really listening to something I can't understand the words to. I have to face the facts - I want the option to sing along, and my voice is pretty and nice, not angry and screaming.

Anyhow they were good and I enjoyed the show.

We got home at 3:30 am after a quick Tim Horton's stop to feed the insatiable Steve, and then everyone crashed out.

I believe Mike woke up with a Dayle lying on his chest and staring him in the face.

You came in with the breeze on Sunday Morning

Sunday morning after maybe five hours of sleep, we got up and went for breakfast, where the once again insatiable Steve ate two full breakfast plates. We then piled into cars and drove up Cypress mountain to the various lookout points, because you can't come to visit Vancouver and not see a mountain up close and personal. Plus, looking out over Vancouver is really too beautiful not to share. We got all the way up to the top where we discovered that the ski hill was actually open, although not very busy. The parking lot was large and quite empty...

And much spinning in donut-like Grand Prix inspired circles ensued.

We then came back down the mountain and the band that slept on my floor took off for the airport.

Tara arrived at our house, and the three of us took off to Burnaby Mountain's lower trails with our bikes. It was the first time Adam's been on his bike in about 8 months, it's the first time Tara's ever been out on real trails, and it's the first time I've been out since last September.

Since we were literally around the corner from my brother's house in Burnaby, and it is his birthday today, we gave him a call and stopped in there to say hi and happy birthday. We were invited in for dinner and cake, which was very good.

And then we watched Advent Children. Oh man. It was beautiful. I want to watch it again. Right now.

I'm thinking about getting a second job, something part-time a couple of evenings a week. It's not that I really want to, or that I'm bored and don't have anything to do, but I'm thinking it may be the only way I can actually hope to save up for a new computer, since we're trying to pay off credit cards with our regular income. How can I justify not using a second job for paying off credit cards? Well, the only way I could tolerate it would be if it was for some purpose that I could feel happy about. Credit cards don't make me feel happy at all. A new computer would.

At least it's finally friday.

I think mom & merv are coming over for dinner tonight. I'll have to come up with something reasonably normal to make for them. No spicy thai curry for them... (or for Chris, for that matter.)

I wish to go home and sleep more.

I've updated the Picture a Day once again. The past couple of nights I've been down to the wire and needing something to put online - last night's is particularly dull, but then I was kind of drunk and stuff when I took it. Just wanted to make sure I had something, and the pictures of the ski hill at night were very blah since I didn't use the zoom lens. I don't have much ambition when I'm drnk.

Chris & Chantal are coming by and we're going to head to Granville Island to walk around a bit. It should be fun. We'll be meeting Adam once he's off work. No specific plans otherwise though. Just trying to give my brother and his girlfriend a bit of the tourist/interesting places type experience so that they can get out of Pitt Meadows from time to time. Hopefully they like it... and Granville Island market is way nicer than Lonsdale Quay market for stuff like art and so on.

Yesterday on lunch I went to the Indigo book store with the intention of purchasing the Avenue Q soundtrack if they had it there. Sadly, they did not. My copy of the cd is toast, and I've wanted to buy it for a while, and I really want to spend money on something nice for myself the past few days because I'm just too stressed and blah lately. CDs are a good upper for me, and I haven't really bought more than three in the past three years. That is just sad. I think I may allow myself to buy one per month or something, because I require more music in my life.

Speaking of music, I should really get back to playing guitar. I wanted to today, but since we're going out that's not going to happen. I also had planned to bring all of my guitar music books and the binders of songs I have printed from OLGA over the past eight years back from New Liskeard when we drove back, but we just didn't have the room. I guess that has to be my next project - ship the rest of our stuff out so Adam's parents don't have it taking up space in the spare room anymore. I don't even know how to do that from a distance - some of it is reasonably well packed, but if I remember right, a lot of the stuff could use some re-packing. Meh. I can't think about it right now.